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| | jeudi, septembre 16, 2004

"Eh,I have a sexual question," he whispers, while looking around carefully."Do you do them as well?"
"Mon dieu", I exclaim, "why is it necessary to talk about the details of your eh intimate relationships with me, an old clairvoyant. You should see a doctor, one of those young and dynamic types that go jogging every day."
"Let me explain, it is more a question of the mind that of the flesh." he continues, almost panicking, his forehead now blinking with sweat.
"Ok, *sigh* what is it my dear man?" I sigh, "Impotence?"
"No, no it's nothing of that kind. I am of Italian descent. "But," he hestitates, sighs and shrugs,"I have a fixation."
"A fixation? Well I must say I have never ever encountered anyone I knew to have a fixation. I don't even know what you mean, my friend." I just babble along, hoping to fill the awkward situation he is creating with pointless words.
"Let me explain, madame, you will see that the question I have for you is a difficult one. I have been advised by a hynotist to tell you about my problem."
It must be Charles Piquet the well know hypnotist and a good friend of mine, who has sent me this strange bird. It must be some kind of absurd poofy joke of his. He sure knows how to embarrass an old lady.
"Alright then, young man, what is it? Oh, and order me another vin de table please."
"I try my best to be a good lover. And I always look out for new techniques and experiences, so I read manuals regularly. I find it helps me to be confident and I must say -without flattery- that women tend to be very satisfied with my sexual performance. Now, My problems started the day I read a manual about cunnilingus.
You must know, that during sex I tend to think a lot. But this manual, well, it said that to bring a woman to orgasm with one's tongue, it was important to mimick all letters of the alphabet. Being of Italian descent, this is a nightmare to me. As soon as I start to please a woman down there, I cannot help but think of grandmother Carmelia's vermicelli soup. I've tried very hard to concentrate on the voluptuousness of the woman's body spread out before me, but all I can see before my eyes are memories of sunday dinner when I was a child."

"Mm,I see, mais, eh, have you ever tried learning Chinese?"

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